Do you need to FORGIVE someone?
For: God’s Church
As an air-conditioning contractor in Hendersonville, Tennessee, I installed a heating and cooling system for the mayor’s brother. One Friday morning, I received a telephone call from him asking me to send a serviceman to start his new heating and cooling unit, in order, for him to be able to move into his new home. The electric power had been turned on the same morning the concrete had been poured for the new driveway. My serviceman arrived (not knowing the concrete was wet) and drove down the new driveway. Stepping out of the truck…said, “Oops!”
That afternoon, I received a phone call from the owner who explained to me he had two tire tracks down his driveway about ˝” deep. He informed me that the concrete man examined the damage to the driveway. He said the only thing he could do was to saw the driveway at the end of the tire tracks, jackhammer out the damaged area, and re-pour the concrete at my expense. He said he would call me on Monday about the reconstruction. After I hung up the phone, I became enraged at the serviceman. As I was venting my anger, Charles Green a minister friend of mine, happened to be at my place of business. He said, “Let’s go to your office and talk.” As we shut the door, he said plainly to me, “You know, as a Christian, you are going to have to forgive this man.” This calmed me down. We prayed together, and I said, “Lord, I choose to forgive this man for his mistake, and Lord, you will have to handle the concrete.” Monday rolled around and the owner didn’t call. Tuesday, about lunchtime, as the serviceman drove by the owner’s house, he called in on the two-way radio in excitement, and said, “A miracle has occurred…the concrete is perfect!”
I knew in my heart that if I hadn’t forgiven the serviceman, I would have been spending a large sum of money to fix the driveway. As a young Christian, ignorant of a mighty God and his ways, I started studying about forgiveness and what would motivate the Lord to do such a miracle. I knew faith wasn’t the issue. When we prayed and asked the Lord to handle the problem, I never dreamed He would simply fix the concrete. I figured I would have peace and that things would go well with the insurance company and the owner, which I suppose, was a form of faith.
I knew that if we forgive others, the Heavenly Father will also forgive us (Matt. 6:14). In Matthew 18: 21-35, Peter asked Jesus, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him: Till seven times?” Jesus answered and said, “I say not unto thee, until seven times: but, until seventy times seven.” Which means, don’t ever quit forgiving. Then Jesus told a parable about a man forgiven of a tremendous debt of 10,000 talents. Today, that’s approximately $3,300,000.00, i.e., three billion, three hundred million dollars! This was a sum of money he couldn’t live long enough to pay back, but he was forgiven the debt. Is this not a picture of salvation? However, this man that was forgiven went out and found a fellow brother who owed him a small debt (approximately $16.00) and he would not forgive him. He kept him in bondage to the debt. When his lord found what he had done he was very angry with him, and turned him over to the tormenters. Jesus says in Matthew 18:35 – “So likewise shall my heavenly Fatherly do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.”
Let’s look at a man who was bitter. We will turn to I Samuel 18:7. In the story, David had just killed the giant, Goliath and is considered a hero. Everybody is joyful except King Saul. In verse 8 King Saul is angry, jealous and suspicious of David. I ask you: Did Saul forgive David? What did Jesus say would happen to Saul or anyone who didn’t forgive in Matthew 18: 34-35? Jesus said they would be turned over to the tormenters, which is torment by the heavenly Father. This means that our heavenly Father will allow us to be spiritually attacked because of our disobedience.
Now, let’s see what happened to Saul in I Samuel 18: 10-15. In verse 10, an evil spirit (a tormenter) from God came mightily upon Saul and he raved (he was in a rage). In verse 11, Saul hurled a spear at David and tried to kill (murder) him. Verse 12 tells us that Saul was afraid of David. Verse 13 tells us that Saul did not want David in his presence, and verse 15 tells us that Saul dreaded him. That is, David’s presence depressed Saul. “Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled.” Hebrews 12:15.
My brother was depressed, with no job or income, smoked pot and drank. His wife was running around, smoking crack, and seldom home. He left his house one day to run an errand and returned to find the locks had been changed. He was forced to leave the home where their three children remained. He came to live with my family and me. This struggle he was having went on for about a year and a half. The anger, hatred, judgment, bitterness without compassion was compiled in all the events in that year and a half, towards my sister in law. One day, suddenly and unexpected, I found my brother had passed away in his sleep on my couch of congestive heart failure. Now I am not only angry with her, but with God as well. I asked my sister-in-law to bring the children and stay at my house until after the funeral, as they lived 2 hours away and could not afford to travel back and forth each day. At this point, I am only thinking about the children. After the funeral it is revealed that my sister-in-law was six months pregnant with another man’s child. I really did not like my sister-in-law at this point; not to mention exhaustive efforts with Child Services that failed to produce what I would like to see happen. For the next year I judged her, hated her, and was very angry. I was constantly “preaching” to her, what she should be doing and how she should be acting. I was telling her all this according to God’s word and because I was going to church. I was saying the right things, but in my heart I knew something was wrong. My heart had become cold and hard. Then one year later God revealed my heart in a loving way. He revealed how I was judging, how I hated and the boiling anger that dwelt inside of me. God said that I could talk the talk but was not walking the walk. WOW! That was a hard revelation. After Gods conviction, I made a choice to forgive her. I planned to tell her when she came to pick up the children who were visiting. The test came immediately; she never showed up to get her own children. By God’s grace and mercy, I saw that this was a test. I wrote her a letter, asking her forgiveness for my hypocritical actions. That was the first of many tests to come. Some I have passed and some I have failed. I was always steadfast going in God’s direction because of the vile he exposed in my heart. God had her heart. I had to deal with my heart, and my sin. That was the beginning of the healing in our relationship. Now, four years later, she has been clean and drug free for 18 months and counting. God healed our relationship and our friendship, only because I “chose” to do what the truth said, “forgive”; instead of doing what my flesh said. It took me a little longer to acknowledge the anger I had for God, because we are not supposed to be mad at Him (or His purposes that we can not understand); but eventually, I prayed, “Lord, why is my heart still cold and hard, where did I loose you?” God revealed to me that I was angry with Him. I chose to forgive God and now I am on a journey back to Him.
Past hurts do not just go away. Most people assume that hurtful events in the past will be forgotten and will have not effect upon us. This is not true. When we get squeezed and the pressure is on what comes out of our mouth is what is in our heart. Matthew 15:11 says, “Not what goes into the mouth defiles a man; but what comes out of the mouth, this defiles a man.”
A bitter person will have a judgmental spirit, be very critical and quick to remember the hurts of the past. He or she will be unaware of the pain they are inflicting on others because of their explosive anger. Past hurts produce a tension point that is instantly activated when any similar situation occurs. Then they will feel sorry and apologize, but if pride rules in their heart they will blame others for their anger and actions. Their hearts become cold and hard.
One day on an air-conditioning service call, a lady was complaining to me about a neighbor who had beaten her out of some money on a remodeling job she had done. I then shared with her about forgiveness, and she revealed to me that she had a daughter who lives in Atlanta, GA. She said that they have not spoken to each other in 23 years. She said, “If I called her she would hang up on me.” That day she chose to forgive the neighbor and her daughter. About three days later, she called me and said, “Sir, you won’t believe what has happened; my daughter called me and wants to be reconciled!” In John 20:23 it says “If you forgive the sins of any, their sins have been forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they have been retained.” In other words, when you forgive you release the sin; if you don’t forgive, you retain the sin. As long as she was bitter, she kept her daughter in bondage. I have seen this happen many times over the years.
If you have truly forgiven every person who has ever sinned against you, then you are able to experience the great freedom, joy, peace, and blessing that result from being a forgiven and a forgiving child of God.
However, it is possible to live with seeds of unforgiveness for so long, that we become blinded to its presence in our lives. The following exercises will help open your eyes to any unforgiveness that may have become lodged in your heart.
(Let’s Examine Ourselves.) These emotions will manifest when the pressure is on.
We can try to hide it in ourselves and just fume inside all day.
Put a check mark (P) next to the following fruits of unforgiveness.
o Anger o Critical (fault finding) o Hurt feelings
o Impatience o Irritability o Jealousy
o Judgmental o Rage o Revenge
o Sarcasm o Self Pity o Suspicion (Have a hard time trusting)
Have you been hurt? Put a (P) next to any of the following you may have experienced.
o Abandoned by parent or mate o abused (physically, emotionally, sexually)
o Alcoholic parent or mate o belittled
o Cheated in a business/financial deal o divorced by mate
o Lied to o mate committed adultery/other sexual sin
o Neglected by grown children o parents divorced
o Promises broken o publicly humiliated
o Rebellious/wayward son or daughter o rejected by parents
o Slander/falsely accused o stolen from
o Treated unfairly by employer o violent crime against self or loved one
As you reflect on the ways you have been offended, do you find any of these statements to be true?
o Every time I think of person(s) or offense, I still feel angry.
o I have a subtle, secret desire to see person(s) pay for what he/she/they did to me.
o Deep in my heart, I wouldn’t mind if something bad happened to the person(s) who
hurt me.
o I sometimes find myself telling others how person(s) hurt me.
o If person(s) name comes up, I am more likely to say something negative about
him/her than something positive.
o I cannot thank God for person(s).
These statements are an indication that we have not fully forgiven all those who have sinned against us. Remember: Forgiveness is not forgetting. It is a transaction in which I release my debtor from the obligation to repay his debt.
However, the attitude of our heart, when we do think of the offense, can be an indicator of whether or not we have truly forgiven. When you think of the person who has hurt you most deeply, which of the following attitudes do you experience?
o Emotional churning o desire for God to bless him/her
o Hard to see his good qualities o desire to see him spiritually restored
o Hard to ask God to bless him/her o desire for revenge
o Gratefulness to God for this person o sense of rest and relinquishment
o Want others to know what you know o humbled by how greatly you have sinned about him/her - against God and how much He has forgiven you.
Have you deceived yourself into believing that you have forgiven everyone who has hurt you? As God examines your heart, does He find any unforgiveness there? Will you agree with God that there is un-forgiveness in your heart?
Last year, a lady came from Chicago with a lot of mental problems. She just couldn’t cope with life. I had her listen to CDs on forgiveness and judging others. I asked her to sit down and make a list of all the people who had hurt her. I asked her to make a list of all the people she had hurt. I gave her a week to complete this task. The night we met she had four pages of notes. She chose to forgive all on the list and to forgive herself. On Sunday, she was baptized and went home. Her children started introducing her as their new mother. Her husband said, “I don’t know what you have, but I want it!”
Now, if you will ask the Lord to show you all who have hurt you. Even from early childhood, and make a list. Usually, you can start with yourself. Ask yourself, “How do I feel about myself?” Do you feel like you measure up? If not, write your name first on that list. (James 5:16) Confess your sins to one another that you may be healed. Call your pastor, an elder, or a Christian friend that you can trust, and confess your un-forgiveness. Come to the cross of Jesus and repent, choosing to forgive those who have offended you.
I have learned over the years to ask three questions when I am praying for the sick.
1. What’s wrong with you?
2. How long has this been going on?
3. What happened?
Most of the time, there is a breach in a relationship. I prayed with a lady who had a headache for six weeks. It started with a breach between in-laws. After she forgave them, the headache was gone. Another time, a lady told me she had high blood pressure for about eight months. It started when her brother cheated her out of some money.
Are you ready to forgive and be healed?
A PRAYER FOR DELIVERANCE:
Dear Lord Jesus, I ask you to forgive me for all of the un-forgiveness and bitterness, that I have had against this whole list of people. I choose to forgive them and bless them now. Lord, I confess anger, hate, gossip and slander that went out of my mouth, and exposed my heart full of un-forgiveness. Lord, please release me from all that un-forgiveness, hate, anger, fear, anxiety, critical (fault finding), judgments, dread (fear), depression, and sickness and deliver them from me now in the name of Jesus Christ the Son of God. I plead the blood of JESUS CHRIST and the finished work at Calvary over my life.
Lord, I love you with all my heart. I thank you for the truth that is setting me free, in Jesus’ name. Lord, I know that I will be tested whether I have spoken empty words or spoken from a true desire in my heart to please you. (Every work of God is tested. Proverbs 30:5). Please give me eyes to see, ears to hear, and a heart to perceive your unsearchable riches; to hear your voice, and walk bearing fruit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness and goodness) and find your rest. Amen.
Get ready to be tested!!!
Remember: It’s about 50 miles from your head to your heart! Situations will present themselves to you again where you will have to forgive. When these circumstances happen again, in the fear of the Lord, choose to die to yourself, and agree with the Lord Jesus, who will fight the battles for you.
Ken Carpenter email kc134@bellsouth.net
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