Divorce
On this subject, as in most, we have two viewpoints, or opinions to
choose from, the world's, (what people think) and God's. The Last 4000 years or
so, we have followed God's opinion in this subject, but for the last fifty or
so years, the world's viewpoint has overshadowed God's word. Let me illustrate,
it became popular among lawyers back in the fifties to plead "mental
cruelty" on the part of the person wanting the divorce. And all too many judges went along with the
plea. The phase "mental cruelty"
became a catch all, we no longer needed a valid reason to tell our spouse to
take a walk, to get lost!
Often times one of the
partners would become attracted to someone else, and so they would tell their
attorney they were being afflicted with "mental cruelty!" Or perhaps the wife had put on some weight;
the husband could complain "mental cruelty." Or the husband watched too much TV,
"mental cruelty." Whatever
the problem, we always had the plea of "mental cruelty."
What did Jesus have to say on the
subject? Matthew 5:32 "But I say to you that everyone who
divorces his wife, except for the cause of un-chastity, makes her commit
adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. (The word
" un-chastity " means any
act of sex outside of the marriage bed, and outside of the purpose God intended
the sexual organs to be used! The word includes adultery, homosexual activity
and sexual acts between people that are not married) Today, this command of
Jesus is not very popular. Just 75
years ago it would have been just about impossible to find a minister to
perform a marriage between two people, one of which had been divorced! Remember the trouble John the Baptist got
into, he lost his head because he stood in the way of king Herod marrying his
brother's wife! Matthew 14:3-4 For Herod had laid hold on John, and bound
him, and put [him] in prison for Herodias' sake, his brother Philip's wife. For
John said unto him, It is not lawful for you to have her. This later cost
John his head. Today if you tell people
the truth it will cost you something!
Allow me to illustrate what the Devil has accomplished in just 75 short
years! In 1991 I interviewed 50 pastors
of various denominations, at the time I
was trying to get help from the "Church" on another growing problem,
"abortion," the indiscriminate, premeditated murder of the un-born
baby. While making a plea for the
unborn babies, I asked their opinion on the question of a divorced person being
able to remarry. The results were
unanimous, all fifty said it would be OK!
When I asked about the words of Jesus, they said one thing or the other,
but the fact remained they felt at ease about going along with the opinions of
the world, and did not think it important to obey the Son of God!
Let me add here that I have
had 38 years experience with marriage counseling, and in that time have heard
many reasons the different ones have had to attempt divorce. As a marriage counselor, I must listen to
all that is on the hearts of the people I am counseling with. They must believe that I understand the
agony that they are going though. After
listening to all that is on there hearts, I begin to show them what the problem
is. In 38 years of marriage counseling,
I have found the problem is always the same.
This is the problem; one of the
partners have stopped loving the other!
How very simple it would be for me to
simply say at the outset, "one of you is not loving the other
one!" I recall a woman coming to
me and saying, "I just don't love
my husband anymore!" She said this
as if it were the fault of another! As
if love were a butterfly and at one time had landed on her husband, but now it
had taken off, and was hovering about up in the sky. I looked at her and said
"Shame on you" She responded
with great surprise "It's not my fault!" I then pointed out that love was not a butterfly, but instead
love was a command of God. God said in
Titus 2:4 "That they may teach the
young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their
children" Love is a verb, it is something we can choose to do or
choose not to do. Many people get
confused about the word love and think that the emotion or feeling of love, is
love. This is not true, the emotion or
feeling of love follows the act of loving someone. If you start to realize that the feeling of
love is missing, you may know for certain that you have stopped loving your
spouse! I can hear the distant sound of
a question. "But, But what if my
husband isn't loving me?" I
respond, shame on your husband, for the scripture has the same thing to say to
him! Ephesians 5:25 Husbands,
love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for
it; Now mark me here, regardless,
if it is the husband or the wife that stops loving their spouse, the result is
always the same, the marriage starts to fall apart. As each spouse feels un-loved they stop loving, the result is a
"melt-down" of the marriage!
What should be done?
When someone in the relationship stops
loving the other, the one that is not being loved needs to continue loving,
please do not respond with anger, or aloofness. This will only give the other an excuse for not loving you. It will fan the flames of hate, but love in
the face of abuse is the very thing our Lord Jesus did, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." "Remember, He said this while being
crucified.) Follow the example Jesus
left us, not the example the Devil left us!
Do you see that by responding in the wrong way, to the abuse of not
being loved (by the one who promised to love till death do us part,) only makes
matters worse. And this course also
places us in the position of disobeying the Lord. The result is always a "melt-down" of the
marriage!
Don't
be like this guy! Be like this!
Stubborn, bull headed. The dove doesn't try to get
even, but makes peace.
It is interesting to me to
listen to all of the faults that each see in the other, and listen to all of
the problems that they can't seem to solve.
All the while they are coming closer and closer to going back on one of
the most important promises that they have ever made, "Till death do us part." I have had them come to me with "money problems," She
spends too much money! The flip side of
this problem goes something like this; "He spends too much
money!" Then we have "He /
She spends too much time watching TV, and never gets anything done!" And on and on the problems go. .
. .
Now listen closely about what
I am about to say for this is the truth, the very truth. Two people, who are currently in the process of loving each other, NEVER NEED MY HELP
IN SOLVING PROBLEMS! NEVER!
Many times I have been told,
"He spends too much money; is never home; watches too much TV;" and
so on and so forth. "She watches
too much TV", "spends too much money", "never keeps the
house clean". I never listen to
the "problems" for married people really have only one problem "not loving each other!" After I get the real problem solved, I call
them a week later, and say to them, "by the way we didn't talk about the
money problem". . . .
The response is always the same, "O, we took care of that" When two people who are married, and loving
one another, encounter a problem, any problem, they can solve it without
outside help! Love needs no help! But let them stop loving one another and the
smallest problem will cause them to stumble!
The marriage union will
always be plagued with problems; we would have to go out of this world to be
without problems! But no problem, no
matter how big will cause the marriage to stumble, if the two are in the
process of loving one another.
Some years ago, I wanted to
start a corporation, I went to my attorney to start the process. When I informed him that the other man
involved, and I, were to divide the stock fifty / fifty, he refused to draw up
the papers that way. I asked why? My attorney said the following "decide
now when there is a difference of opinion, who will be the
tiebreaker". He said one of us
would need to hold 51 percent of the stock and the other 49 percent of the
stock, he also said we could divide the money fifty - fifty. But someone had to wear the hat that said
"BOSS"! I didn't understand
and so he told me a story about two successful businessmen that started a large
corporation, and became very successful.
It seems that after 20 years of success, a small problem came up, but
pride got in the way of these two men, and rather than give in or compromise,
they shut down the business! So my
attorney told us to decide now, who would be the boss.
God has made the same judgement, but for a
different reason. This is God's
judgement; Ephesians 5:22-24 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own
husbands, as unto the Lord. For the
husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and
he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ,
so [let] the wives [be] to their own husbands in every thing.
Now ladies don't get angry with me I
didn't think this up, God did, so if you are in disagreement with this you are
disagreeing with God!
I know that in this day and age this does
not sound like a palatable solution.
But God's word is ageless, and it is always right. Look back in time, divorce has increased 500
percent in the last two generations.
Note the change in our thinking, and the correlation with the divorce
rate. We listen to the world, turn our backs on God's teachings and we pay the
price, broken homes, children without father or mothers, gross unhappiness on
all fronts! Husbands remember your
responsibilities, Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ
also loved the church, and gave himself for it; Your love must be more
sacrificial than your wife's love!
Whenever we defy God's word we pay a
terrible price. God has taken the time
to tell us and show us the way of peace, but we like sheep have gone
astray. Lord lead us back as a nation
to your ways!