On this subject, as in most, we have two viewpoints, or opinions to choose from, the world's, (what people think) and God's. The Last 4000 years or so, we have followed God's opinion on this subject, but for the last sixty or so years, the world's viewpoint has overshadowed God's word. Let me illustrate, it became popular among lawyers back in the fifties to plead "mental cruelty" on the part of the person wanting the divorce. And all too many judges went along with the plea. The phase "mental cruelty" became a catch all, we no longer needed a valid reason to tell our spouse to take a walk, to get lost!

Often times one of the partners would become attracted to someone else, and so they would tell their attorney they were being afflicted with "mental cruelty!" Or perhaps the wife had put on some weight; the husband could complain "mental cruelty." Or the husband watched too much TV, "mental cruelty." Whatever the problem, we always had the plea of "mental cruelty."

What did Jesus have to say on the subject? Matthew 5:32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committed adultery.

(The word "fornication" means any act of sex outside of the marriage bed, and outside of the purpose God intended the sexual organs to be used! The word includes adultery, homosexual activity and sexual acts between people that are not married) Today, this command of Jesus is not very popular.

Just 85 years ago it would have been just about impossible to find a minister to perform a marriage between two people, one of which had been divorced! Remember the trouble John the Baptist got into, he lost his head because he stood in the way of king Herod marrying his brother's wife! Matthew 14:3 - 4 For Herod had laid hold on John, and bound him, and put [him] in prison for Herodias' sake, his brother Philip's wife. For John said unto him, It is not lawful for thee to have her. This later cost John his head.

Today if you tell people the truth it will cost you something! Allow me to illustrate what the Devil has accomplished in just 85 short years! seventeen years ago I interviewed 50 pastors of various denominations, At the time I was trying to get help from the "Church" on another growing problem, "abortion," the indiscriminate murder of the un-born baby. While making a plea for the unborn babies, I asked their opinion on the question of a divorced person being able to remarry. The results were unanimous, all fifty said it would be OK! When I asked about the words of Jesus, they said one thing or the other, but the fact remained they felt at ease about going along with the opinions of the world, and did not think it important to obey the Son of God!

Let me add here that I have had 45 years experience with marriage counseling, and in that time I have heard many reasons the different ones have had to attempt divorce. As a marriage counselor, I must listen to all that is on the hearts of the people I am counseling with. They must believe that I understand the trauma that they are going though.  After listening to all that is on there hearts, I begin to show them what the problem is. In 45 years of marriage counseling the problem is always the same; 

One or both of the partners have stopped loving the other!

What should be done? When someone in the relationship stops loving the other, the one that is not being loved needs to continue loving, please don't respond with anger, or aloofness. This will only give the other an excuse for not loving you.  It will fan the flames of hate, but love in the face of abuse is the very thing our Jesus did, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." "Remember, He said this while being crucified.  Follow the example Jesus left us, not the example the Devil left us! Do you see that by responding in the wrong way, to the abuse of not being loved (by the one who promised to love till death do us part,) only makes matters worse. And this course also places us in the position of disobeying the Lord. The result is always a "melt-down" of the marriage!

  Don't be like this guy! Stubborn, bull headed.     

  Be like this! The dove doesn't try to get even, but makes peace.  

Now listen closely about what I am about to say for this is the truth, the very truth. Two people, who are currently in the process of loving each other, NEVER NEED MY HELP OR ANYONE ELSE's HELP IN SOLVING PROBLEMS!   NEVER!

Many times I have been told, "He spends too much money; is never home; watches too much TV;" and so on and so forth. "She watches too much TV", "spends too much money", "never keeps the house clean". I never listen to the "problems" for married people really have only one problem "not loving each other!"  After I get this problem solved, I call them a week later, and say to them, "By the way we didn't talk about the money problem". . . . The response is always the same, "Oh, we took care of that"    When two people who are married, and loving one another, encounter a problem, any problem, they can solve it without any outside help!   Love needs no help! But let them stop loving one another and the smallest problem will cause them to stumble!

The marriage union will always be plagued with problems; we would have to go out of this world to be without problems! the husband and the wife are different, and have different values, different goals, and we all have short comings.  Living with the short comings of your spouse is one way of loving them!  But no problem, no difference, (Inside of the will of God) no matter how large will cause the marriage to stumble, if the two are in the process of loving one another.

If you read any articles about marital problems, the writer will most often point to money troubles as being the main reason for marriage breakups, but this is not true, ever! Allow me to explain, some years ago I lived in Brazil and traveled to many third world countries. I have seen real poverty, in this country we really don't know what poverty is. I will give you my definition for poverty, poverty is real when you haven't eaten in three days and don't know when you will eat again! This is my point, when living in countries that people can't earn even one dollar a day you will find a very low divorce rate, in fact divorce is extremely rare in these countries. I have known many families that are so poor that to purchase something that cost fifty dollars would be unthinkable to them. It would be a goal that they know will never happen, from the moment they are born to the moment before they die!

Some years ago, I wanted to start a corporation, I went to my attorney to start the process. When I informed him that the other man involved, and I, were to divide the stock fifty - fifty, he refused to draw up the papers that way. I asked why? My attorney said the following "Decide now when there is a difference of opinion, who will be the tiebreaker". He said one of us would need to hold 51 percent of the stock and the other 49 percent of the stock, he also said we could divide the money fifty - fifty. But someone had to wear the hat that said "BOSS"! I didn't understand and so he told me a story about two successful businessmen that started a large corporation, and became very successful. It seems that after 20 years of success, a small problem came up, but pride got in the way of these two men, and rather than give in or compromise, they shut down the business! So my attorney told us to decide now, who would be the boss.

God has made the same judgment, but for different reasons. This is God's judgment; Ephesians 5:22 - 24 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so [let] the wives [be] to their own husbands in everything.

Now ladies don't get angry with me I didn't think this up, God did, so if you are in disagreement with this, you are disagreeing with God, not me!

Divorce And Remarriage

It is important to allow the Holy Spirit to be our guide in this process, for He will never disagree with the scriptures. Today as in divorce,  remarriage is oftentimes void of a scriptural footing!  If you forget everything else, please remember this,  Jesus said in  Matthew 5:32. "But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the cause of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery." And again in Matthew 19:9 "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery." And again in Mark 10:11-12 And He said to them, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery."

The Lord also taught us in Romans 7:2-3 through Paul,  "For the married woman is bound by law to her husband while he is living; but if her husband dies, she is released from the law concerning the husband. So then if, while her husband is living, she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress, though she is joined to another man."  This scripture is teaching us a spiritual principal, it applies to all flesh as does all scripture, not just to the Church.  So then if, while her husband is living, she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; Notice that the Apostle Paul didn't add anything new or different, but only agreed with the teachings of Jesus Christ, our savior on the subject of marriage and divorce.

I know that in this day and age this does not sound like a palatable solution. But God's word is ageless, it is always right.  Look back in time, divorce has increased 500 percent in the last two generations. Note the change in our thinking, and the correlation with the divorce rate. We listen to the world, turn our backs on God's teachings and we pay the price, broken homes, children without father or mothers, gross unhappiness on all fronts!  Husbands remember your responsibilities, Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; Your love must be more sacrificial than your wife's love!

Whenever we defy God's word we pay a terrible price. God has taken the time to tell us the way of peace, but we like sheep have gone astray.

Lord lead us back as a nation to your ways!